First news: Bassirou Diomaye Faye, the President of the Republic, is a good son… Back in his native Ndiaganiao to vote, draped in white and accompanied by the doyen of the first ladies, he will first kneel directly at the feet of his father to greet him in front of the cameras…

This touching family portrait is sure to inspire some intrepid reporter: the very next day, one of them has the good idea of ​​handing the microphone to the mother of the Prime Minister, the superhero of these early elections. Madam, the venerable mother of the Prime Minister, grants her the distinguished privilege of dissecting, live; the miracle recipe for success: she educated her son « with her own hand »…

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Ungodly question: in your opinion, are paternal prayers or maternal sacrifices the most effective for succeeding in life in an underdeveloped country that builds more mosques than factories?

Personally, I am beginning to understand why I had no chance of being President of the Republic, much less Prime Minister, and why I turned out so badly.

We are digressing…

If each of President Diomaye Faye’s outings, especially towards religious houses, is an opportunity to demonstrate his humility, here, frankly, he hits hard in case anyone still doubts his modesty… Moreover, in this register, President Bassirou Diomaye Faye breaks all records: he only occupies the presidential chair while waiting for his exceptional Prime Minister to deign to replace him. He is only a timid accident of History, which the 57% of illiterate and unlettered people armed with voter cards will take care of repairing as quickly as possible.

Sine’s son, Bassirou Diomaye Faye, is certainly champing at the bit to hand over the keys to the austere Dakar Palace and return to his beautiful native village. There, he will finally be able to wake up for the rest of his days in the bucolic atmosphere of the barnyard’s frolics, while the dull blows of women’s pestles resound, while roosters jump the hens, while ducks wiggle their behinds to light the ducks and while the goats’ tails wiggle in response to the sexy beards of their billy goats.

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In short, once again bathe blissfully in the simple joys of nature. He must prefer that to the boring prospects of the virtual baobab of 2050, which serves as his government’s macroeconomic project.

And so, after having fun scaring each other and debating the benefits of the Valda lozenge for three weeks, the Senegalese went to vote as if nothing had happened on Sunday, November 17, 2024. And that same evening, when the first trends were announced, the sworn enemies exchanged pleasantries, made love to each other and put their gentlemen’s suits back on…

Adults, 57% of whom are illiterate or affected by illiteracy, which amounts to the same thing, choose to persist and sign: it is up to Ousmane Sonko, the guru of Pastef, to take on the formidable mission of improving their daily lives. Macky Sall, who comes in second place at the head of the WhatsApp coalition, left far behind, will have just enough to obtain a parliamentary group; as for the placid Amadou Ba, he picks up the remains of his former mentor by still stealing Podor from him, while Barthélemy Dias can only observe the damage, with two MPs from the national list including himself.

Dog of a life?

That said, here is the National Assembly that will reopen its doors soon, with nearly one hundred and thirty MPs stamped Pastef, who are the exact projection of the curious populace that makes up the majority of our fellow citizens.

If the previous legislature does not defend itself too badly in its style with strong emotions from the start, the one that is coming promises, in my opinion, not to be sad at all.

We can count on rare exceptions, Maître Aïssata Tall Sall, for example, to make words worthy of a Hemicycle resonate, certainly. The empty chair that Macky Sall will certainly leave, will create a draft and echoes, but it is the Senegalese who voted based on his good face on their smartphones. 

We will also have to expect the outbursts of the honourable Anta Babacar Ngom, especially around Korité, at a time when authentic Senegalese will demand that light be shed on the sudden increase in the price of poultry.

As for me, the peak of the event, I can see it from here: the spectacular entrance of Bara Ndiaye, a famous clairvoyant, doubled with a merchant in miracles whose cabalistic exploits elevate him to the rank of sheikh. Apart from the alchemy of his medieval apothecary concoctions, he will tinker until recently in the secret of his lair, magic belts supposed to protect you from bad luck, one of which would be capable of saving you from a stay in prison.

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The doubt must have settled under his chechia not long ago: to avoid finding himself on the damp straw of a dungeon, he now trusts in the MP’s sash, which will envelop him in parliamentary immunity.

As I understand it: the twists and turns of his arrest last year must have traumatized him…

A scenario that recalls the sketch of the Franco-Cameroonian comedian Dieudonné Mbala-Mbala, recounting the incredible circumstances of the capture of Laurent Gbagbo, then barricaded in his home, which put an end to the civil war in Côte d’Ivoire. The soldiers allegedly found him in the toilets and, Dieudonné quips, « they didn’t even give him time to poo! »

Was the venerable clairvoyant sheikh waiting in the toilets for the police who were to pick him up at his home? I admit that I don’t have the heart to try to find out more about the scabrous details of his arrest… In any case, we can count on his innate knowledge to read the future of our economy in the stars, and his premonitory dreams will warn us in advance of the misdeeds of our leaders. 

Come on, let’s not be mean and let’s wish them lots of fun for all these picturesque caricatures of the Senegalese!

By Ibou FALL

  • Translation by Ndey T. SOSSEH / Serigne S. DIAGNE